Saturday, October 1, 2011

A Beautiful Confession

I have been walking with the Lord for some time now. My journey with our Heavenly Papa began when I was 6 years old. Throughout my walk I felt superior and "perfect." My whole family loved Jesus and I knew the Bible and I knew right and wrong. I had to be perfect right? In High School  and in my first years of college, I was disgusted by life choices people made. I thought it was my job to save them.
This last year and a half my heart has been transformed in radical ways. How foolish I was to ever think myself superior. In my disgust of peoples earthly sins, I was ignorant to my own sin-pride. It was 2 months ago that the Lord shook me up and revealed to me this awful sin. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to take responsibility for something I knew was so wrong. I longed to put my fingers in my ears and pretend i didn't hear him. Ignoring my pride only brought upon me, more pride. I knew that I needed to share my struggle with this sin to a friend, but I really didn't want to. Admitting a sin feels like going to someone after a fight and having to admit that you were the one in the wrong. It's embarrassing and humbling and for someone struggling with pride, humble is a hard word to hear.
I tell this to you because the Lord does not want us to be trapped by our secret sins. If we know they exist, he doesn't want us to ignore them either. Confessing sins comes with a flood of emotions. It's not easy, it's embarrassing and often the confession of one sin leads to the confession of another. I heard once confessing sins is like scraping gravel out of skin wound. The tiny rocks are embezzled into the flesh and water and soap are not sufficient materials to get the gravel out, it often takes a tooth-brush. A tooth-brush is not gentle. Spilling out our hearts, more specifically our hearts filled with sin, nis not going to be a gentle process. It can't be, because the cross was not a gentle process. But a beautiful fact is the debt of our sins has already been paid. Confessing our mistakes is difficult and it will hurt, but the Lord will not harm us. Instead he will hug us in relief. He will rejoice in the fact that we no longer have to be haunted by the decisions we have made and you can bet your bottom dollar he will be holding our hand the rest of our walk to make sure he doesn't lose us again.
Confessing sins is a terrifying process. Even realizing the sin exists is terrifying. Hearing the sins repeated out loud often can be more difficult than hearing them in your head, but there is something that happens when they are spoken out loud. The sin loses it's power. No longer can the enemy torment us. When we mourn over our sins the Lord takes our heart and begins to reconstruct us. When we confess the drakest parts of our hearts, the enemy loses his voice and our Papa's voice becomes louder and we will begin to realize we are beautifully made.