Saturday, October 1, 2011

A Beautiful Confession

I have been walking with the Lord for some time now. My journey with our Heavenly Papa began when I was 6 years old. Throughout my walk I felt superior and "perfect." My whole family loved Jesus and I knew the Bible and I knew right and wrong. I had to be perfect right? In High School  and in my first years of college, I was disgusted by life choices people made. I thought it was my job to save them.
This last year and a half my heart has been transformed in radical ways. How foolish I was to ever think myself superior. In my disgust of peoples earthly sins, I was ignorant to my own sin-pride. It was 2 months ago that the Lord shook me up and revealed to me this awful sin. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to take responsibility for something I knew was so wrong. I longed to put my fingers in my ears and pretend i didn't hear him. Ignoring my pride only brought upon me, more pride. I knew that I needed to share my struggle with this sin to a friend, but I really didn't want to. Admitting a sin feels like going to someone after a fight and having to admit that you were the one in the wrong. It's embarrassing and humbling and for someone struggling with pride, humble is a hard word to hear.
I tell this to you because the Lord does not want us to be trapped by our secret sins. If we know they exist, he doesn't want us to ignore them either. Confessing sins comes with a flood of emotions. It's not easy, it's embarrassing and often the confession of one sin leads to the confession of another. I heard once confessing sins is like scraping gravel out of skin wound. The tiny rocks are embezzled into the flesh and water and soap are not sufficient materials to get the gravel out, it often takes a tooth-brush. A tooth-brush is not gentle. Spilling out our hearts, more specifically our hearts filled with sin, nis not going to be a gentle process. It can't be, because the cross was not a gentle process. But a beautiful fact is the debt of our sins has already been paid. Confessing our mistakes is difficult and it will hurt, but the Lord will not harm us. Instead he will hug us in relief. He will rejoice in the fact that we no longer have to be haunted by the decisions we have made and you can bet your bottom dollar he will be holding our hand the rest of our walk to make sure he doesn't lose us again.
Confessing sins is a terrifying process. Even realizing the sin exists is terrifying. Hearing the sins repeated out loud often can be more difficult than hearing them in your head, but there is something that happens when they are spoken out loud. The sin loses it's power. No longer can the enemy torment us. When we mourn over our sins the Lord takes our heart and begins to reconstruct us. When we confess the drakest parts of our hearts, the enemy loses his voice and our Papa's voice becomes louder and we will begin to realize we are beautifully made.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A Beautiful Silence

I excel at being loud and obnoxious. My friends tell me they can hear my voice all the way across a room. My presence is known, but not in the pleasant, graceful movie way. My presence seems to be more like a stampede of elephants. I often feel I am labeled as "Crazy Loud Girl." Carrying that impression unveils insecurities I never thought I would encounter. To avoid those insecurities, I try to silence myself, weather it be in a crowd or by myself. However, I found being silent is much more uncomfortable than being the "crazy loud girl." I'd rather hold onto the fear that maybe I am annoying, than to sit in the quiet of my thirsty insecure heart. It is in the though, that the Lord can speak loud truths and demolish all insecurities being thrown at us.
Elijah was a major prophet of the Lord, who was very faithful. In 1 Kings 19:11-18, Elijah was called to go on  a mountain top all by himself. On that mountain top the Lord sent a furious windstorm, and then an earthquake, and then a fire, yet in all that power his voice was not present. When the chaos had ceased and all was calm and quiet, the Lord gently "whispered" into Elijah's ear, affirming who he was meant to be for the Holy Kingdom. Our Heavenly Papa longs to bring glory in the silence. Another incidence of silence comes from our savior. Just before Jesus was crucified he was put on trial twice by two different Judges, Pilate and King Herod. In Luke 22:8-9 it states that, "Herod was delighted to see Jesus because of the miracles he heard of." But during the questioning form Herod, "Jesus refused to answer." His silence led to our eternal salvation. Jesus knew that if he said a word to Herod, the King would continue his delight in him and order Jesus not be killed. Jesus knew that he must be crucified, so that all of man kind could have a chance to live. What beautiful silence!
Being silent can often feel uncomfortable, but when we give it a proper chance our Papa has time to "WOW" us with his precious words. When we take the time to silence our worlds we will begin to hear that we are beautifully made.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Beautifully Broken

The word broken rarely belongs to a positive connotation. When my bank account is empty and I realize I am "broke," I never feel spectacular. When the auto-repair man calls and says that an expensive piece on my car is "broken," joy is not an emotion present in my soul. Hearing people label my family as "broken" because my parents are divorced, does not bring peace. And having a "broken" heart over boy who will never even know or care, makes me feel insignificant. Your heart probably feels depressed and broken for me. I share with you this information, not to search for pity, but to simply reveal that brokenness affects us all and that's the truth. Being broken financially, emotionally and physically often makes us ask "WHY?" Why me? Why do i have to hurt? If there is a God, then WHY do I have so much crap to deal with? In the moments of brokenness, it's hard to see anything that's not broken. In those moments it's hard to find joy.
Believe it our not Our Heavenly Papa rejoices in our brokenness. His rejoicing is not because he is happy we are hurt, no, he is happy because brokenness is a portal to see him as a comforter and savior. In the "Sermon on The Mount," Jesus says "Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven."
Our Heavenly Papa longs for us to be joy filled and have everything we desire, but if we never experience those moments of being financially depleted or having our hearts betrayed by those we loved, we would never realize our need for a savior and a comforter. When our hearts break our Lord is there holding us, weeping with us and telling our spirits we are "blessed." A state of brokenness is not meant to be a constant, it is a stepping stone to growing deeper in love with our PAPA. When we begin to realize we are not meant to live a broken life we will begin to see the comforter and Savior that our Lord is and that we were beautifully made.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Beautiful Rejection

Being rejected sucks! There is no polite way of wording it- It just sucks! No one likes to wake up every day and be reminded of failures, because often that is EXACTLY what a rejection feels like. That denial letter from the school you were hoping to get into, that polite call saying, "I'm sorry you don't qualify," that talk " I love everything about you, but it's just not for me," these are all rejections that SUCK! Sitting in a pile of rejection feels as if you are sitting in a pile of you know what. In these moments it's so difficult to see the greatness our Heavenly Papa has planned for us. Rejection is the fertilizer to our insecurities, allowing them to flourish.
In the Bible, a love letter written just for us, there are countless stories of men and women who faced rejection. Jeremiah was called at birth to be a prophet of the Lord and speak to the people, but nobody followed him. Despite his failure of being heard, he remained faithful. Shadrach, Meshach and Abenego were rejected in to a fiery furnace because they refused to worship another God and because of their faithfulness the Lord rescued them. Jesus Christ, our Beautiful Savior and friend, was denied 3 times by the very apostle he poured into and to add salt to the wound he was taken to the cross to be rejected by the rest of the world. Because Jesus complied with OUR rejection, we do not have to be rejected. Rejection is inevitable, especially when you make a decision to pick up your cross daily and live for the King. When rejection comes our way may we turn to the Lord for strength and allow HIM to flourish rather than our insecurities that remind us we will never be enough. Our Heavenly Papa says we are enough and will NEVER reject our commitment to him. When we recognize that there is ALWAYS an acceptance letter waiting for us in the Kingdom of Heaven, we will begin to see we are Beautifully Made!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

A Beautiful Fall

Those days are going to happen. The days when we know we have gone against what we believe and what we are told to do. It's inevitable that we will have days we are for this world and not for our Heavenly Papa. When those days happen, you don't feel your best. I know I don't. When I have those moments I can't bear to look at myself because I don't feel very Beautiful or very worthy of my Heavenly Papa's love. I recently wrote about disappointing people and how that leaves us feeling worthless, but what hurts even more is disappointing My Heavenly Papa.
 I  am writing this and all i can hear in my head is "I will Always love you." Tears are falling down my face. There's that Grace and Mercy. 
Our God loves us so much. He sent his one and only son to pardon our sins! We are his treasures, regardless if we feel like a treasure or not. Many of us have sins we are not proud of weather,  they are in the past or in our future. We must do our best to live righteous and pure lives, but we must remember WE ARE HUMAN and because of that we have a beautiful savior to catch us when we fall. We will fall, but he will makes us pure as snow. It is impossible to live a perfect life as Jesus did, but that's what wer are called to strive for. In our striving we will have those days when we live for this world and we will need the Holy Spirit to wash us pure and when it does our hearts will be humbled and we will see that we are beautifully made.

Monday, August 1, 2011

I HATE to let people down. I don't think any one does. It's not fun to know people are disappointed at you and it's even less fun to hear the disappointment in their voice. Recently I let some dear friends of mine down and it was not a pleasant feeling. I had did my best to do a favor for  them and I failed at it. The result was them feeling frustrated and angry, for good reason though. In that moment I felt less than my best. In fact very far from my best. I did not feel like a beautiful, responsible, well-put together woman. I felt the exact opposite. I was doubting my worth.
In moments where people are disappointed or angry at us it's hard to see worth in ourselves. When we feel people are throwing stones of judgment and anger at us, hurt and fear become the resonating feelings in our heart. The sad truth is this how many view our Heavenly Papa. All they can picture is mighty power holding a stone telling them in anger, "YOU DID THIS AND YOU DID THAT."  Our Papa is a judge, but not like that. Because many picture this mean God they think that He is constantly angry and disappointed at us, so  they are constantly living in fear or unworthiness or worse just become numb to God all together. In John 8 there is a story of Jesus that clearly shows our Papa is not wanting to throw stones.
Jesus was speaking in the Temple at Mt. Olives one day, when the pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in the act of adultery. They said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the act, the law of Moses says we must stone her." The woman was indeed guilty and I'm sure her feelings were of embarrassment and fear, with very little self worth. Jesus responded to the pharisees, who had stones in their hands, by bending down and writing in the dust. There are many assumptions about what  was written, but no one really knows. After he is done writing he stands up and says, " All right stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stone," he then went back to writing in the dust. He stood up once more and the woman's accusers had scattered. It was just Jesus, the only man with the right to stone the woman, and the adulterous woman. Did he stone her? He did not! He simply said to her " Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." THAT is our Heavenly Papa! He does not look on us with stones of disappointment and anger, he looks in our eyes with grace, love and mercy! WOW!
In our lives we are going to have many times where we let people down and they will be angry, but we must remember that their anger has nothing to do with our worth. No matter how disappointed you make some one our Heavenly Papa will look you in the eyes and say "Neither do I condemn you." When we realize that he just wants to show us Grace and Mercy, we will begin to discover that we are Beautifully Made.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Beautiful Dance

I am a fan of dance. Often I am the first on the dance floor and last to get off, but that does not make me a dancer. Actually I am not even close to being a dancer, I am wiggler at best. However, I can appreciate a beautiful work of dance. So you THink you can Dance is a brilliant show because all these AMAZING dancers put their dancing on the line to challenge themselves and to show the world, there true Love in life. As a lover of Christ this show reveals to me the gifts that our papa wants to bestow upon us, but also how he longs for us to indulge in those gifts and have him romance us in our true loves.
A struggle of mine these past couple weeks is being reassured i  have a purpose. I have never been the most talented at anything really. When i try things I am not terrible but it's never my niche. I often wish our papa would have blessed me with a natural talent for dancing so i could feel as those dancers do.
It's monsoon season here in Flag and its warm yet the rain is falling like mad. The rain was falling very fiercely today and in the midst of that i felt the need to go and dance in the rain. I had my cheesy movie moment with no shoes, tore up jean shorts and ratty t-shirt, twirling in the rain worshiping our Heavenly Papa. In that moment I knew my niche- to be loved and cherish by our heavenly papa and thats enough for him and quite frankly for me.
The world tells us we should find something we love and excel at it, so that we can make money and live comfortably. THe things is our papa loves us regardless if we know how to dance or paint or are a super genius or know what our purpose is. We are each given a niche and I believe he wants us to honor him in that and in honoring him we create this life that when others witness it, it is as if they are watching a beautiful dance.
He wants you to know you are beautifully made.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A Beautiful Mess

I can go days on end without picking up clothes or putting clean ones away. When I am lazy I let my dirty dishes stay in my room-NASTY! My bathroom...that's a black hole in itself. Needless to say I am a very messy person. The times when my room or bathroom or car are a complete disaster, I do not feel very beautiful or worthy of anything. The mess in those places are reminders of my laziness, inadequacy, and disorganization and it leaves me feeling YUCKY! However, when i have days devoted to cleaning and really disinfecting every room well, I feel a new sense about me. It feels great to have stuff clean.
I had a cleaning day yesterday and in that our Heavenly Papa revealed to me the importance of acknowledging messes and not just the room messes, but the spiritual messes as well. I couldn't see the floor in my room yesterday and it took me 4 hours to clean it-YIKES! The longer we ignore a mess, the longer it will take to clean. Maybe our mess is finances or an unhealthy relationship or anger towards parents. The longer we ignore the mess the longer it will stay a mess.
King David is known for being a man after God's own heart, but he had his fair share of messes, one being the beautiful Bathsheba. David had an affair with Bathsheba, another man's wife, that man was in fact one of Davids most faithful soldiers. What a mess! To further that mess Bathesheba got pregnant, so David tried to trick her husband into sleeping with her to play off the pregnancy. Being a loyal soldier Uriah (The husbands name) never did. Because of this David ordered Uriah to be in the lines of battle that would be sure to have him killed. A filthy mess. Nathan the prophet revealed to David this mess he created. Upon hearing this David mourned and fasted and begged the Lord for forgiveness. David's mess needed to cleaned and he acknowledge that. Through the cleansing of his self created mess David became closer to the Lord.
The messes in our lives are not present so we can continue being messy or to make us feel inadequate and ugly, they are present to make us aware of our need for a saviour and a cleansing. A mess is not beautiful, however the cleaning and the end result is pure brilliance! Messes are to be cleaned up and reveal to us we are beautifully made!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

You're Beautiful!

You are BEAUTIFUL!
Regardless of gender or stage of life, you are beautiful.
I am blessed with the oppurtunity to serve middle school girls and recently we went to camp for one week. The overwhelming theme that came up during the week, was Beauty. As leaders we felt the calling to reassure our girls that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the eyes of our creator and we do not have to impress him with glamour or glitz, he already thinks we are GORGEOUS. We even went to the extent of hiding each girls make-up and boy was it alot! After a week of reminding girls that it's our hearts that makes us beautiful and not our bodys or faces, I found myself falling victim to the insecurities we tried to destroy. Looking in the mirror all I could see was the results of not running anymore, the excessive amount of pimples and the lions mane I call my hair. I did not feel Beautiful. It was hard for me to believe that Lord relishes in my beauty. I thought, " If I am so Beautiful...Why am I single?"All I could hear was the world's beauty whispering in my ear.
In the midst of my insecurities I heard a stern loving voice say, "I made that."
To the prophet Jeremiah the Lord said " I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart as my spokesman to the world." Our heavenly Papa made us and he knew us before anyone else. He has a purpose for us and he made us so that the world could see his beauty. In  knowing his beauty we find ours. Our insecurities and doubts come from this world.
You were Beautifully Made.